How I went against the caste system…

When I was CEO of AsianD8 I remember lots of heated meetings where we’d debate whether or not to allow our members to select their caste preference when they’d sign up. In the end we’d always end up with the same conclusion: No. It simply did not fit the principles of AsianD8 or our team, so we never did. And I can say confidently that I don’t think we ever will.

One of the reasons why I think we resisted the temptation so viciously was probably due to my own personal experience.

I’m glad to say that I am happily married. I’m also glad to say that like so many team members, I met my wife through AsianD8. I’m also glad that we were from so-called opposite castes. I feel the primary reasons why a person supports the caste system is because that’s what your parents believe.

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When I told my mother I wanted to marry someone from an opposite caste it did not go down well. All of a sudden I was bombarded by messages and calls from other family members trying to get me to change my mind. Even the suggestion of doing a “behind closed doors” wedding was being touted around. My initial reaction was anger, but in the cold light of day I actually felt really let down and saddened by those closest to me.

After the initial anger subsided I realised I needed to use the opportunity to educate my family – even if it took years. However, in the meantime no matter how long it was going to take, it was not going to stop me settling down with the woman of my choice. Every bone in my body was telling me that they were in the wrong and I had the chance to change things for the better – for everyone.

In the end we pushed through with the wedding, and by that point I’d managed to get the whole family to understand the meaninglessness upholding of caste system. So, the celebrations went down a treat, with days and moments that I will never forget.

Unfortunately I know too many people that don’t have the confidence to stand up to their family when it comes to caste, and this worries me. Let’s pause and think about it, upholding a system that defines people based on their economic status, (well that’s the basis of it within my Punjabi community), is nonsensical and elitist.

Are we all going to pass on this backward ideology to our children? In my situation I could have bent to the will of my family (become another so-called “mummy’s boy” maybe?). However, in the end the storm was greater in their minds than in reality and I had made an ever-lasting change.

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I hope that those of you reading my story can also stand up to the ideology of the Punjabi caste system. It’s outdated, elitist and there is definitely no room for it.

I remember when I was a kid, telling my mother after leaving the local Gurdwara (Sikh Temple) that I think the caste system is wrong and that I was going to prove it. Maybe this was the way it was meant to work out all along.

Thanks for sharing Pali!

Question: What do you guys think about this, have you had a similar experience? Share your story with us at, we’d love to hear from you.

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  1. So why stop at caste?

    Why not stop showing religion also?

    Seems like a bit of a contradiction/confusion …. the fact you have a site called Asiand8 and want asians to sign up …. asians come with their ‘culture’…

    1. Hi Ami,

      Thanks for your comment.

      In the end it comes down to whether one thinks judging someone for suitability based on a status label (caste) is right or wrong. Our belief is that it is wrong. Religion and religious based caste systems work differently, they are based on your belief system in regards to faith not status and in our opinion those are fine.

  2. Completely agree pali. I believe people have a right to call themselves Sikhs if they believe in the caste system. The whole point of Sikhism was to abolish this, treat everyone as equal. You’re either Sikh or not a Sikh. None or this bull***t ‘i’m a JATT Sikh. You’re either Sikh or not. Well done lad for making a point of this.

  3. How many different caste are there? Is chamar caste really that bad!?

    1. To us, there’s no such thing 🙂

  4. Best to marry in your own castes. It makes life easier for everyone involved, including families.

    1. But what about when you fall in love with someone, and they’re a different caste? It might make life easier in the short term, but would you be happy in the long run?

  5. In todays superficial world, people fall in and out of love all the time. What is love? Simple attraction based on several prerequisites? Real love can take a lifetime, many relationships dont even last years these days.

    1. This is very true. That’s why real love and real relationships take real hard work and dedication from two committed people, willing and able to make an effort for each other.

  6. Very nice. We should destroy this caste system and we should treat each other with equality and respect in the way we love humanity, otherwise we just love our caste which is meaningless.

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