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Increasingly I am meeting guys (through dating or just friends of mine) who complain that women don’t reply to their texts, don’t want a second date or just aren’t interested in them. Why they ask me? I then do some analysis into the way they behave when speaking to women and give them some really helpful tips which they thank me for.
Let me share those tips with you…
- Hello, it’s me
When approaching a woman on a dating site such as AsianD8 or an app take the time to write a proper message. ’Hi’ just doesn’t cut it. Think about the number of Hi’s a woman receives.
Relate your first message to their profile, comment on one of their pictures or even just a send a funny one-liner to catch their attention. Spelling and grammar matter so take some time before you send that ice-breaker.
- Don’t txt lyk dis
So you have been chatting to a girl from AsianD8 for a while and finally exchanged numbers. One major rule is to ‘think before you text.’ Remember that you’re not a 15 year old and you’re not texting your friends. Messaging things like ‘wat u doin’ is not okay and proper spelling and grammar fully matter. You will be judged on inappropriate use of the words you’re and your (they are two different words) so think before you send, read your text before you send it and make those changes if you need to.
- Ask them out
If you are chatting to someone and haven’t asked them out after a week, chances are the girl will have gotten bored and moved on to someone who will ask them out. Even if it’s a coffee or drink after work; just break the ice and ask them out.
Long text conversations can be tiresome and in this digital age constant whatsapping is the norm. Break the norm, pick up the phone and make that call. Have an actual conversation. Speak to the girl, flirt and set a date to meet. Keep up the momentum too and have regular chats before you actually meet. Take the time to actually get to know someone, take an interest in their day and listen to what they are saying.
- Manners and compliments go a long way
Basic manners go a long way, especially in a world where women are faced with the decline of chivalry. When you are on that date say they look nice, compliment the colour of their dress – basically just notice that they are the ones that have spent possibly two hours getting ready for their date with you.
- Make some effort on the date
There is a lot to be said about a guy who can make the effort in so many ways. Whether it’s by keeping in regular contact pre and post-date or paying attention to their appearance when they are on a date. Another major no-no is checking out other women on your date – you’re on a date and your full attention should be on the girl whether you’re into her or not. Keep the conversation flowing and don’t talk about yourself the whole time – ask about her hobbies and take an interest in her life.
If you ask someone on a date you really should pay even if a girl offers her half (and most girls will). If you can’t afford to take them out then choose an affordable place, take them on a picnic or don’t ask them out at all. Some women will judge a guy on the fact that they don’t pay on a first date and then you wonder why you don’t get to date two. It doesn’t have to be pricey, most first dates will be coffee or a couple of drinks anyway; so just pay, in the future it’s okay to go halves.
- If you like someone tell them
This is a big one because many women tell me that they have no clue what is going on in a man’s head; women aren’t psychic.
Did you go on a date and have a really good time? Want to see them again? Well, tell them. Girls will be wary about revealing how they feel so make sure that if you like a girl, she knows. There are plenty of fish in the sea and there will always be that guy who will tell the girl he likes her.
If you’re worried about how she will react then unfortunately it is a risk you’re going to have to take but a simple way of doing this is just texting to say ‘hey, I had a really nice time tonight. Would you like to do it again sometime?’ if you get a positive response back then great – if she says thanks but no thanks or doesn’t reply then you have your answer. An even better way to do this is if you’re on the date and like the girl and do want to see her again, set date two. Saying ‘So when can I see you again?’ before you part ways is great way of doing it.
It may sound old fashioned but we girls love this, so take note boys!
- Don’t be afraid of rejection
It’s the same with women, sometimes a girl just isn’t going to be into you. Don’t take it personally; it just wasn’t meant to be. Get over it and move on.
- A good profile matters
When I was researching this list things that annoyed women were
– Pictures of you climbing things
– Posing with docile tigers
– Bare-chested pictures
– Basically just pictures of guys showing off
Having a list of things guys want/don’t and setting unrealistic expectations is a turn-off. For example, if you’re 5 ft. 5 then say you are, not that you’re 5 ft. 9 because a woman will turn up in heels expecting that extra four inches and then be annoyed when they are taller than you (I’m 5 ft. 5 and it’s happened to me!).
You don’t need to write an essay but a few lines about yourself and some nice smiley pictures which show you at your best are our favourite kind of profile. Remember that what you put out there is what you want to attract.
- Old-fashioned manners count
Opening doors, offering to hold bags, paying, flowers, picking a girl up… again we girls love all of this and a guy who does these things is a dying breed. So much so that when a guy does any of this a girl may be surprised – guys it’s in your power to change this. Pleases and thank you’s matter. Be kind to the waiter or bartender. Give leftover food to a homeless person. Cook for a girl and just be a nice, humble person; no cockiness – this all goes a really long way.
If this sounds like too much effort and you’re single then maybe you need to re-assess where you are going wrong in dating. On the flip side if you are following protocol then maybe you just haven’t met the right girl (have a browse of the great AsianD8 profiles here). Guys, just by making a few changes to the way you date will make all the difference and will put you on the road to finding love.
Bio: Priya Mulji is a marketer and columnist based in London. Specialising in all things love, you can check out her blog at http://www.priyamulji.com