Your First Message Counts

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Online dating wasn’t something I had thought about and I didn’t personally want to go down that route. I was very sceptical and felt that it wasn’t for me. But after trying out the Mandir, Gurdwara and family introductions route and not having much luck, I thought I’d give it a go.

I signed up to a couple of dating sites, had a look around at the profiles and then closed the apps. I knew this wasn’t the way to go about it and decided to take a leap of faith with the mind-set of what have I got to lose and so I starting speaking to a few guys.

After getting the boring conversation of “what do you do?” out of the way I thought the conversations would get more interesting. Boy was I wrong – “what did you have for lunch?”, “what you having for dinner?”, “what you up to?”, “any plans for the weekend?” – OMG SHOOT ME! Ladies, I know you have heard this all before and wanted to give up on online dating just like me.

After changing the subject and talking about something fun, it would always go back to “so what you up to?” or “what you doing over the weekend?” – Here I am thinking he might suggest meeting up and getting to know each other – Boy was I wrong AGAIN!

Women get so many more messages than men, so guys; it’s important that your message stands out and catches her eye. Your first message could make or break whether a girl is going to even reply.

A conversation that finally stood out:
Me: “Hey, how are you?”
Him: “Hey, I’m good but I’ll be better when you help me choose between a chocolate fudge cake and a strawberry cheese cake”
Me: “I would pick the strawberry cheese cake, but when in doubt get both”.
I breathed this huge sigh of relief, someone that I can have an actual conversation with and it all started from this one message that stood out from the rest. Sounds silly, even too simple, but it’s that easy. Keep it fun, casual and catch her attention. And yes, there is a double standard here. A woman can send a mundane “Hey, how are you?” message and get a response. “Why?” I hear you ask, well it’s rare that a woman makes a first move, so saying “Hi” alone will get a guy’s attention!

Guys take note; it doesn’t need to be overly fancy with a bombardment of questions. Take the time to read her profile before sending her the same “Hey, how are you?” or even worse “Hey, would love to get to know you, here is my number…” No woman is going to save your number and drop you a text or call. We want to know you for more than one sentence before giving our number out!

Remember it’s a numbers game and how draining it becomes reading and responding to the same mediocre messages, but the key is don’t give up. It’s ok to step back, take a break and evaluate.

Let’s see how it goes with strawberry cheesecake guy, there might be a part 2…

In the meantime, best of luck!
Sonam, AsianD8 HQ

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