You Come First by Urvashi Lad

Reading Time: 6mins

If I met someone, fell in love, life would feel complete. I’d have my partner, we’d travel the world, we’d get married, have kids and live happily ever after”.

Yup that’s exactly how I’ve felt on many an occasion, on days when my single status really makes itself known, when I’m feeling low or lonely. In those moments I’ve stuffed my face with chocolate, crisps and pizza… Then felt really guilty and once again blue about my single status… (You know I’d not stuff my face if I was with someone right!). It’s one vicious cycle.

Does this sound familiar? Have you ever felt that if you met someone life would be so different? That having that special someone in your life would really put you on the path to everlasting happiness?

The thing is, your happiness and quality of life cannot be put on to someone else, whether it’s your sisters, your parents, or the man/woman of your dreams that you haven’t even met yet. Nope, none of these people can make you happy if deep down you are not doing this for yourself, by yourself. And if you’re not happy with yourself and don’t love your life as it is now… How can you expect to 1) have someone love you and your life and 2) bring joy and love to someone else’s life? Think about it for a second…

I know its cliché, when people say “if you don’t love yourself how can another love you” but this is one of the only truths in this world which cannot be argued. If you’re happy with the person you are and the person the world sees, then when he or she comes along you will simply compliment each other and you won’t have to rely on anyone else to try and fill a hole. So, if you’re in that low place, how do you sift through the garbage and find your way to self-love, and self-happy? Well each person’s journey is individual, but I can tell you how I found my way to a good place where I now feel that I could compliment someone and we could build a fantastic life together.

Being comfortable in your own skin
For years, ever since leaving university I’ve not been 100% comfortable with what I looked like and how I felt. For some people this may seem superficial, but for me I knew the only way I would feel better is if I loved myself inside and out. This meant, losing the weight that had slowly crept on, I joined a gym, but not any gym; I joined a gym on a farm where I met a great group of people who’ve become my training family (yes I’ve so far lost 45lbs).

Enjoying your own company
It’s hard sometimes to be happy in a silent room with only your thoughts, some people meditate, some people practice mindfulness or yoga. Me… well I like to head out for dinner (not lunch that’s easy) on my own, or go to the cinema alone, it makes me feel brave, anxious and scared all at the same time… but by the second course or 30 minutes into a movie, I realise that my own company is actually pretty good (and that yes, I could bring something good to someone’s life). If you go to dinner or to the pub alone and don’t want to feel too alone take a note pad with you… draw or write, just don’t spend too much time on that mobile phone.

Talking of mobile phones… Have a Digital Detox
How many times have you had 2 mins (yes a tiny 2 minutes) to yourself and taken out your mobile phone to distract yourself with Facebook or Twitter or Instagram? And tell me how many times have you felt your life really isn’t that great when looking at the shenanigans every one else posts about? (Engagements, marriages, baby announcements, births, amazing dinners with boy’f/girl’f ets). And I bet you’ve thought… why can’t your life be like that?
Urgh, that isn’t a great feeling. In fact this feeling got to me so much around 4 years ago that I completely deleted my Facebook profile for a full 8 months, I started “doing me” and once I felt I was at a place I want my life to be, I created new account and only added those people who I wanted in my social circle. Try it, whether you go as extreme as me or you simply leave your phone in your bag when you’re at dinner/drinks with friend, don’t hide your head in a phone, but people watch and think and simple be! (Btw, you do realise that people only upload the good stuff onto social media right!?)

Take up a new activity or learn a new skill
Aside from the bonus that you might meet your future hubby or wife whilst taking part in a new activity, because this can happen…. (but let’s not think about that right now), the main purpose of doing something new is to learn something, experience something and have fun whilst doing it. I’ve recently taken up Wakeboarding, I say “taken up Wakeboarding” but I actually mean face planting into a lake straight off the dock. Even though I can’t stand up on the main cable (training cable I can) I’m having such a blast doing this, my face hurts from laughing (not planting), and I’ve met some really cool people (who are expanding my imagination and helping me drop my barriers when thinking about what I can achieve). I’ve also introduced the park to others and taken a some friends down for lunch or a coffee and opened their eyes to something pretty spectacular.

So, what I’m trying to say, is that if you busy yourself with creating the perfect life for you, one that you will feel blessed to be living and enjoy every single day, with activities and events that you look forward to (I always forward plan), you’ll not feel the need for someone to come along and make it better.
Yes of course, you’ll want to find someone to share it with, but you won’t rely on that person to make you feel fulfilled or happy. Instead that special person will compliment your life, you’ll teach each other new things, and you’ll discover new places together… because you’ll both be on the same path.

The best bit of doing you and looking after your priorities and your wellbeing is that someone will actually be able to see how much you love your life, how much energy you have and actually want to be a part of it. When you’re happy, others want to revel in your happiness… So put it out there, go do you and let yourself feel loved, he or she will come along when the time is right.


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Bio: Ushi Lad is an eCommerce Manager by day, a blogger, a trainee Personal Trainer and a wanna be Wakeboarder by night. Mission: Fit and Fabulous check out 


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